In today’s world, it is clear that stress can have an enormous negative impact on people. It ultimately robs us of our ability to operate effectively and to enjoy life fully. When coaching clients ask about stress, I often share the following ways to begin to interrupt the natural progression of stress. Here are a few to think about. Give yourself room. It is helpful to remember that it is completely natural to experience stress from time to time. When this happens, allow yourself time and space to experience just how you are being impacted. A natural response to serious events, or numerous events that require your attention at the same time, is to sometimes become numb, distracted or angry. This takes away our ability deal with the situation in an effective way. It helps to create a distinction between what stress is and what causes it. Stress is not based upon outside sources but rather how we perceive a circumstance and then react to it. Observe your reaction. The key here is to react appropriately to “what’s really happening” rather than “overreacting.” How does one know if he or she is overreacting? You can begin by making a distinction between “what’s actually happening” versus “what you think about what’s happening.” This will open up unseen possibilities as to how to handle the crisis. As you start to action your stress will begin to disappear.

Another thing that I have noticed is that most people experience stress when they are feeling like something is out of their control. There are many demands and expectations that are placed on each of us, from others and from ourselves, and we often fall into the trap of mistaking these expectations as the way things “should” or “must” go. To deal with stress that results when our expectations go unfulfilled, I invite you to try letting yourself be 100% present to a situation, to watch the events unfold rather than trying to force those events to conform exactly to your expectations. For example, even if we know better, we “expect” people to do exactly what they say they will do by the time at which they say they will do it. Therefore, when people fall short of doing what they said, our unfulfilled expectations leave us upset and stressed. We may even blame them for our feeling so upset. This over reaction then leaves us stuck in the middle of how things “should have gone” vs. “how things went”. This robs us of the power to deal with what needs to be accomplished with the available resources at hand.

Ultimately, when people experience stress, they are simply reacting to life not working out the way they want or expect. Becoming aware of what is really happening, separating what happened from our interpretation about what is happening, allows us to discover that much of what we considered already determined, given or fixed, may in fact not be. Situations that may have been challenging or stressful can become more fluid and open to change. This can create new levels of ease and enjoyment. You may actually surprise yourself and find areas in your life where you have said good-bye to stress!

How To Avoid Workplace Gossip

Posted by: Dawn Klingensmith
Date: February 20, 2015

Has your water cooler talk taken a turn toward the nasty? Uncharacteristic gossip at work could be a sign of burnout.

Gossip is one of the “five telltale signs” of job burnout along with frequent complaints, chronic tardiness, exhaustion and lowered standards, according to Landmark, a personal and professional development firm based in San Francisco.

People experiencing job burnout often resort to acts of sabotage, using gossip as a destructive force, says Aimee Cohen, author of “Woman Up! Overcome the 7 Deadly Sins that Sabotage Your Success” (Morgan James Publishing, 2014).

Sometimes, gossip is merely a “diversion from what they’re supposed to be doing,” Cohen says. But at other times it serves as a cover-up. Feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated, burnout sufferers may become unreliable. They blow deadlines, come unprepared to meetings and fail to meet their usual high standards. As these sorts of self-sabotaging behaviors ramp up, they may speak poorly of others to make themselves look better, Cohen explains.

Those who experience what Cohen calls “burnout with bitterness” are looking to sabotage others. “When that happens, typically you’re looking to take someone down with you,” usually because your target has imposed unrealistic expectations on you or subjected you to harsh working conditions, she says. Gossip then becomes a way to discredit the perceived tormentor.

When gossip stems from a legitimate complaint, Landmark trainer David Cunningham calls it “gripe gossip.” It builds a narrative around the complaint in which the teller is “the put-upon good guy and someone else is the bad guy,” he explains.

But gripe gossip seldom if ever improves things for the good guy. Others may agree with the gossiper that things are bad and shouldn’t be that way, but a misdirected complaint never gets resolved.

“Turn the complaint into a request and take it to the right person,” says Landmark trainer Josselynne Herman-Saccio. “Ongoing complaining and whining saps what little energy you have left, but requests produce results.”

Ask yourself first what the complaint is underneath the gossip. Has the boss assigned more work than you can handle? Are coworkers not doing their share and expecting you to pick up the slack?

“If you’ve got more on your plate than you can handle, instead of complaining to coworkers, ask your boss to sit down and prioritize what you’ll do now, what you’ll put off and what can be done by someone else,” Cunningham advises. Often, this process eliminates things from the to-do list altogether, he adds.

Don’t be surprised if the source of your troubles turns out to be you. “Your problems could be self-imposed. I call it the competency curse ¬– always wanting to say yes, to lend a helping hand. Men as well as women, we tend to overextend ourselves,” Cohen says.

You may need to follow a series of red flags back to your underlying complaint, and even to the realization that what you’re experiencing is burnout. “No one likes to admit they’re burned out because we all want to be the superhero with endless capacity and drive,” Cohen says.

Gossip or any other behaviors that are out of character are red flags, including a short temper, trouble remembering names, misplacing things and sleeping through the alarm. “Everyone has a finite bandwidth, and these are all signs that we’ve exceeded it,” Cohen says.

When the red flags point to self-imposed burnout, recovery starts with clarifying your career goals. Once those goals are clear, it is easier to turn down work that does not bring you closer to achieving them, Cohen says.

To regain control and credibility, list all your unfinished work and missed deadlines, and schedule time for each to-do item. “Get it down on paper. It’s too overwhelming if it’s just in your head,” Herman-Saccio says.

Experiencing burnout does not necessarily mean it’s time to change jobs, but if expressing your concerns to the right person doesn’t improve your situation, it may be best to explore other options.

A4_Coaching

The moment you step into a room, people are immediately forming some sort of impression of you. They’re making snap judgments about what type of person you are — trustworthy, sincere, capable. And a lot of this is based on how you carry yourself.

If you appear genuinely confident, people will be more inclined to give you the attention and respect that you deserve. If you appear uncomfortable and insecure, on the other hand, people may be quick to dismiss or discredit you. Because body language is an integral part of communication, and the way you carry yourself may be communicating more than you know to the outside world.

Did you know that non-verbal cues represent 55% of our communication? Vocal inflection is just 38%, while our words constitute only 7% of our communication. No wonder why we say that actions speak louder than words.  Because the most subtle physical cues — from how you have your hands placed to how you set your shoulders — set a tone.

So how do you set a positive tone that reinforces your intelligence and capability? By carrying yourself with confidence. Unfortunately, many struggle with self-doubt. Many also believe that if you aren’t born with confidence then you are out of luck. But that’s far from the truth. Self-confidence is a skill. It is something that you can learn how to exude, even by making simple changes to your physical movements.

To learn more about being self-assured and having confidence, arrange a free introduction call today.