Excuses and loopholes that hold us back achieving what we want from life.

1. False choice loophole – “I can’t do this, because I’m so busy doing that” – this is one I often use, myself
2. Moral licensing loophole – “I’ve been so good, it’s okay for me to do this”
3. Tomorrow loophole – “It’s okay to skip today, because I’m going to do this tomorrow”
4. Lack of control loophole – “I can’t help myself”
5. Planning to fail loophole – formerly known as the “Apparently irrelevant decision loophole”
6. “This doesn’t count” loophole – “I’m on vacation” “I’m sick” “It’s the weekend”
7. Questionable assumption loophole –“Look, it says it’s healthy on the label”
8. Concern for others loophole – “I can’t do this because it might make other people uncomfortable”
9. Fake self-actualisation loophole – “You only live once! Embrace the moment!”
10. One-coin loophole –“What difference does it make if I break my habit this one time?”

Our brain want to keep us safe and so we often approach life counting on a certain order of things, thinking that predictability and control will keep us safe. Then we encounter the experience of uncertainty, often with chaos close hard on its heels. This ambiguity and randomness can sometimes be disconcerting, as we struggle to understand and make sense of what is happening. 

We try to deal with things dealing rationally, sometimes emotionally. Neuroscientist David Eagleman captures the duality: “There is an ongoing conversation among the different factions in [our] brain, each competing to control the single output channel of [our] behaviour. The rational system is one that cares about the analysis of things in the outside world, while the emotional system monitors the internal state….”

Because we don’t see a ready way to relate powerfully with these dual realities, we attempt to apply patterns of order and the more we do that, the less effective we become. Predictability and control in a world where you are moving to the next level. There is no certainty as an inevitability or predictability of an outcome. We are the ones saying something and looking for a breakthrough to make it happen. Real power occurs when we know we have something to say about the way things are. Recognising that shifts the horizon of what’s possible, and it’s from there the full range available in being human can be explored and lived.

Being a leader and the effective exercise of leadership as one’s natural self-expression does not come from learning and trying to emulate the characteristics or styles of noteworthy leaders, or learning what effective leaders do and trying to emulate them (and most certainly not from merely being in a leadership position, or position of authority).

If you are not being a leader, and you try to act like a leader, you are likely to fail. That’s called being inauthentic (playing a role or pretending to be a leader), deadly in any attempt to exercise leadership.

What is it that high achievers DO to get ahead in life?

Do you…

▪ take control and make sure everything goes exactly how you know it needs to?

▪ play the hard ass to get people in line?

▪ know how to make everyone like you?

▪ swoop in at the very last minute and fix everything?

▪ question everything and leave no stone unturned?

▪ act agreeable and be the ultimate team player?

▪ pride yourself in being organised and disciplined to get things done?

▪ look for opportunities to debate, and win every time?

Think about it for a second and consider this, that part you admire in yourself that keeps you “winning” is exactly what’s defining what is possible and impossible for you.  It’s exactly this thing that keeps you from taking your business, your career of you personal life to the next level.

For the sake of this conversation, let’s call this thing your “winning strategy”.

WHAT’S YOUR WINNING STRATEGY?

You’re the type of person everyone likes.

There’s a lot you can accomplish with this way of being: you’re totally on board with the team player stuff, you probably get great reviews, and you’re consistently considered for projects. Good stuff.

However, as long as you continue to rely on people pleasing as a way of succeeding, you’ll never become the CEO you wildly dream of being. If how you get ahead is getting everyone to like you then making the hard calls, taking risks that compromise other’s feelings, and calling shots that concern others are out of your realm of comfort and experience. Those actions will be out of reach as long as you choose people pleasing to get ahead.

You’re that detail-oriented control freak.

It’s caused you to earn a crazy amount of respect and create a successful work persona that you’re proud to have. You always expect the promotions and others look to you for expertise. BUT, the impossible for you is to move into executive level management where strategy and vision are focused on, not the nitty gritty. To be considered for that type of leap would require an uncomfortable step back from the control you wield on a daily basis. You’d have to move away from your successful way of being and begin to do the opposite of what’s familiar: strategise and delegate.

You’re the tireless leader.

You work very hard and achieve great things. You’re the executive type that excels at taking risks. Your impossible is probably having a harmonious balance between family, work, and play. To continue succeeding in your career, you believe you need that unapologetic, all-or-nothing focus that got you here. But it’s this way of being that makes balance impossible. So as long as you choose it, you’ll never achieve an easy flow between family, play and work.

You’re an entrepreneur

You are a person who sets up a business or businesses, taking on financial risks in the hope of success and profit.  You identify the business as your possession and thus get a huge amount of self-worth from its success.  The drawback is that you inadvertently put a ceiling on how big the business can grow and end up working long hours.  Your reluctance to share the business means you will never employ or enter in to partnership with one who threatens your position.

Continually relying on your winning strategy keeps the impossible exactly that… impossible.

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW

This might seem obvious but I share this because I have countless conversations about the things that hold people back. Most people believe it’s a thing, or person, or circumstance that keeps them from breaking through to the next level of greatness or happiness.

“If only I had more support from my spouse.”

“If only I had more money to invest.”

“If only I had more time.”

While addressing these things could help, it won’t SOLVE the underlying issue.

YOUR WINNING STRATEGY PRODUCES THE POSSIBLE ONLY

The possible is deemed possible because of your winning strategy. But as there is a realm of possible, there’s the realm of impossible. Continuing to deploy your winning strategy to succeed further defines and strengthens the boundary of the impossible. So as long as you continue to rely on your winning strategy to succeed, you’ll never break through.

What now?

Most of the challenge is recognising that your “best” ability could be keeping you from realising your biggest desires. So look within, question that coveted part of you and ask what the impact of constantly relying on your winning strategy really is. When you find yourself playing it out believing it’s getting you ahead, see if you can determine the cost.

I’ll admit, I’m engrossed with concern for people’s feelings. My unspoken mission in life is to make sure everyone feels fulfilled. While this “best trait” keeps me moving forward, it takes a toll on my bigger vision. To break through I have to step away from a fear-based focus on everyone else and stand for something larger. It’s uncomfortable. It’s unfamiliar. But I know it’s very possible with willingness and practice.

I’d like you to tell me what your winning strategy is. Do you rely on your best trait to get you ahead? How might it be keeping your impossible from becoming a reality? If this article has you re-thinking your relationship to your winning strategy and you’d like to further the conversation, feel free to reach out anytime. 

David

Note: This article was inspired by the book: The Last Word on Power, by Tracy Goss.

When you are focused on how you are doing not what you are doing you are operating out of self-consciousness, this promotes fear and insecurity. It stops you being in the present moment, making it difficult to get in touch with that still and powerful place in your brain.

What is the purpose of your life? It’s a big question, a question some people say they don’t know the answer to.  Often it is because they haven’t spent enough time listening to themselves carefully and in silence. Deep listening is very useful here.  Deep listening is the practice of listening  without judgement or advice. Before you can listen deeply to someone else you need to listen to yourself.  Sit down, clear your mind and ask yourself in silence “What do I really want what is my life for?” Intention will emerge if you go deep enough.

Tony Robbins says “In sport I’ve found success is 80 percent psychology and 20 percent skills,”

All sports are a mental game, especially elite sports.  For this reason it is important for people involved in sport to develop a strong inner game or mental toughness.  You see all the time, those who have “great talent”, but rarely play up to their full potential. The problem is that in sport people are not educated about the mental game mostly because their instructors or coaches didn’t stress the importance of mental toughness when their student’s were learning to play.

In Golf your decisions, thoughts, images, and feelings set up each swing. Mental training helps players develop key mental skills to compliment the mechanics or physical aspects of their game. What most people do not know is that mental training isn’t just for players who have challenges with their game, but also for players who want to improve their overall performance. Coaches and players have used mental training for years to gain a competitive edge.  Confidence, trust, focus, and composure are the everyday lessons I teach my clients.  Understanding these components allows players to become mindful and improve their performance.

To develop mindfulness in sport there are several mental skills that you can learn. Sports people playing in the zone are composed, in control, confident, and focused. Most have experienced “the zone”, if only for a short time. And everyone can learn to develop a mindset that helps them enter “the zone” more frequently by learning how to be confident, focused, and in control of game.

Mentally tough sports people are at an advantage in competition because they have…

• An awareness of the zone and the feelings associated with playing in the zone.
• High self-confidence or a strong belief in their skills or ability to play well.
• The ability to fully immersed in the task or totally concentrate in the present.
• A narrow focus of attention or the ability to focus on one specific thought without distraction.
• The ability to perform effortlessly or let it happen when it counts.
• Emotional control or the ability to remain calm under pressure.
• Clear and decisive mind or not over thinking and doubting their decisions.
• The ability to refocus or collect themselves after mistake.
• Fun, whether they are 10th or 1st.

A strong mental game is crucial for all. To develop a strong mental game it takes commitment, learning how your brain works and what drives you.  Through mindfulness you can then learn to be in the moment, without distractions.  Be in “the zone” and be your best. The key is to find access to your mental game, then apply it, practice it and use it on a daily basis.

I have just read a passage from a book which describes a great way to “be” and one I aspire too. “be in flow and live fully in the present moment. Respond and adapt to what is happening around you rather than reacting and fighting against it. Let situations speak to you, observe and learn.  Always be upbeat, kind and generous. Yet hold others accountable without making them wrong.”

How can leaders drive engagement and make a real impact in their organisations? This is a question confronting nearly all business leaders.

Polls by Gallup found that worldwide employee engagement is startlingly low, with just 15% of workers indicating they are engaged with their work.

With so many employees not engaged with their work, what does it really take to make an impact on engagement in organisations? Here are 4 tips to help leaders drive engagement and make a real impact at work.

1. Take an Interest in People

I believe Leadership is the key to engaging today’s workers. You can have the noblest commitment but without leadership you don’t have anything. In my opinion, lack of leadership is a leading cause of today’s high disengagement numbers. Leaders who don’t think about how they are influencing others often undertake patterns of behaviour that drive people away from their commitment, creating disengagement and conflict.

What kind of leadership does drive engagement? Increasingly, it’s leadership that takes an interest in the personal development of employees. Gallup recently found that 59% of Millennials and 41% of Baby Boomers are seeking opportunities to grow and develop at work. Leaders that understand this can influence their employees and inspire them to bring their best to achieving the organisation’s commitment.

2. Make Connections to Bigger Commitment

People may not always realise it, but their future is happening now. The future you envision is what empowers you in the present. Employees who see a future for themselves with an organisation where they can make a difference and express their talents are more empowered in their day-to-day activities. When people feel connected to their organisation’s commitment and understand why what they do is important, they are more satisfied and productive.

That sense of connection comes from aligning organisational and individual commitment. You want people to experience their contribution and fulfillment inside the organisation. Everyone should be working toward the same overarching commitment, from the CEO to the post room.

3. Give Space to Fail

One of the most crippling challenges in any organisation is fear of failure. It can lead to resistance to change and limits an organisation’s ability to generate and act on ideas, innovate and adapt. This fear can corrupt an entire culture, leading to higher levels of disengagement.

Creating space to try and possibly fail allows an organisation and its individuals to learn from their failures, which can ultimately be empowering. Failure is a necessary part of growth, an organisation needs to provide space for that and provide support for staff when they are feeling most vulnerable.

4. Don’t Forget to Have Fun

In many organisations, people are encouraged to “work hard, play later,” as if the two were mutually exclusive. But a study by the University of Warwick indicates this is the wrong approach. According to the study, workers who were happy and had fun at work were actually 12% more productive than those who were not.

Fun is important due to its critical role in generating engagement, having fun is at the core of a company’s success. If you look at employee engagement, we are asking people to consistently be engaged and give those extra ounces of energy that they might have otherwise given elsewhere in their lives. Having fun, enjoying the work and the people they do it with helps to create energy and influences people to give more of themselves.

One reason fun is so important is the idea of employee choice. Studies show that employees are not choosing to stay with employers as long as they did in the past. A recent survey indicated that the average length of time an employee stays in a job is down in 2016 to 4.2 years, compared to 4.6 years in 2014. Among younger workers the decline was even starker: workers between the ages of 25 and 34 sank to 2.8 years.

If you really want to make an impact and transform your organisation, begin by taking an interest in what truly influences and motivates your people. Build stronger connections by aligning individual and organisational commitments. Most importantly, remember that people and organisations are more than the sum of past successes and failures, and that fun is a critical part of creating a more engaged organisation.