Being a leader and the effective exercise of leadership as one’s natural self-expression does not come from learning and trying to emulate the characteristics or styles of noteworthy leaders, or learning what effective leaders do and trying to emulate them (and most certainly not from merely being in a leadership position, or position of authority).

If you are not being a leader, and you try to act like a leader, you are likely to fail. That’s called being inauthentic (playing a role or pretending to be a leader), deadly in any attempt to exercise leadership.

What is it that high achievers DO to get ahead in life?

Do you…

▪ take control and make sure everything goes exactly how you know it needs to?

▪ play the hard ass to get people in line?

▪ know how to make everyone like you?

▪ swoop in at the very last minute and fix everything?

▪ question everything and leave no stone unturned?

▪ act agreeable and be the ultimate team player?

▪ pride yourself in being organised and disciplined to get things done?

▪ look for opportunities to debate, and win every time?

Think about it for a second and consider this, that part you admire in yourself that keeps you “winning” is exactly what’s defining what is possible and impossible for you.  It’s exactly this thing that keeps you from taking your business, your career of you personal life to the next level.

For the sake of this conversation, let’s call this thing your “winning strategy”.

WHAT’S YOUR WINNING STRATEGY?

You’re the type of person everyone likes.

There’s a lot you can accomplish with this way of being: you’re totally on board with the team player stuff, you probably get great reviews, and you’re consistently considered for projects. Good stuff.

However, as long as you continue to rely on people pleasing as a way of succeeding, you’ll never become the CEO you wildly dream of being. If how you get ahead is getting everyone to like you then making the hard calls, taking risks that compromise other’s feelings, and calling shots that concern others are out of your realm of comfort and experience. Those actions will be out of reach as long as you choose people pleasing to get ahead.

You’re that detail-oriented control freak.

It’s caused you to earn a crazy amount of respect and create a successful work persona that you’re proud to have. You always expect the promotions and others look to you for expertise. BUT, the impossible for you is to move into executive level management where strategy and vision are focused on, not the nitty gritty. To be considered for that type of leap would require an uncomfortable step back from the control you wield on a daily basis. You’d have to move away from your successful way of being and begin to do the opposite of what’s familiar: strategise and delegate.

You’re the tireless leader.

You work very hard and achieve great things. You’re the executive type that excels at taking risks. Your impossible is probably having a harmonious balance between family, work, and play. To continue succeeding in your career, you believe you need that unapologetic, all-or-nothing focus that got you here. But it’s this way of being that makes balance impossible. So as long as you choose it, you’ll never achieve an easy flow between family, play and work.

You’re an entrepreneur

You are a person who sets up a business or businesses, taking on financial risks in the hope of success and profit.  You identify the business as your possession and thus get a huge amount of self-worth from its success.  The drawback is that you inadvertently put a ceiling on how big the business can grow and end up working long hours.  Your reluctance to share the business means you will never employ or enter in to partnership with one who threatens your position.

Continually relying on your winning strategy keeps the impossible exactly that… impossible.

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW

This might seem obvious but I share this because I have countless conversations about the things that hold people back. Most people believe it’s a thing, or person, or circumstance that keeps them from breaking through to the next level of greatness or happiness.

“If only I had more support from my spouse.”

“If only I had more money to invest.”

“If only I had more time.”

While addressing these things could help, it won’t SOLVE the underlying issue.

YOUR WINNING STRATEGY PRODUCES THE POSSIBLE ONLY

The possible is deemed possible because of your winning strategy. But as there is a realm of possible, there’s the realm of impossible. Continuing to deploy your winning strategy to succeed further defines and strengthens the boundary of the impossible. So as long as you continue to rely on your winning strategy to succeed, you’ll never break through.

What now?

Most of the challenge is recognising that your “best” ability could be keeping you from realising your biggest desires. So look within, question that coveted part of you and ask what the impact of constantly relying on your winning strategy really is. When you find yourself playing it out believing it’s getting you ahead, see if you can determine the cost.

I’ll admit, I’m engrossed with concern for people’s feelings. My unspoken mission in life is to make sure everyone feels fulfilled. While this “best trait” keeps me moving forward, it takes a toll on my bigger vision. To break through I have to step away from a fear-based focus on everyone else and stand for something larger. It’s uncomfortable. It’s unfamiliar. But I know it’s very possible with willingness and practice.

I’d like you to tell me what your winning strategy is. Do you rely on your best trait to get you ahead? How might it be keeping your impossible from becoming a reality? If this article has you re-thinking your relationship to your winning strategy and you’d like to further the conversation, feel free to reach out anytime. 

David

Note: This article was inspired by the book: The Last Word on Power, by Tracy Goss.

When you are focused on how you are doing not what you are doing you are operating out of self-consciousness, this promotes fear and insecurity. It stops you being in the present moment, making it difficult to get in touch with that still and powerful place in your brain.

What is the purpose of your life? It’s a big question, a question some people say they don’t know the answer to.  Often it is because they haven’t spent enough time listening to themselves carefully and in silence. Deep listening is very useful here.  Deep listening is the practice of listening  without judgement or advice. Before you can listen deeply to someone else you need to listen to yourself.  Sit down, clear your mind and ask yourself in silence “What do I really want what is my life for?” Intention will emerge if you go deep enough.

Tony Robbins says “In sport I’ve found success is 80 percent psychology and 20 percent skills,”

All sports are a mental game, especially elite sports.  For this reason it is important for people involved in sport to develop a strong inner game or mental toughness.  You see all the time, those who have “great talent”, but rarely play up to their full potential. The problem is that in sport people are not educated about the mental game mostly because their instructors or coaches didn’t stress the importance of mental toughness when their student’s were learning to play.

In Golf your decisions, thoughts, images, and feelings set up each swing. Mental training helps players develop key mental skills to compliment the mechanics or physical aspects of their game. What most people do not know is that mental training isn’t just for players who have challenges with their game, but also for players who want to improve their overall performance. Coaches and players have used mental training for years to gain a competitive edge.  Confidence, trust, focus, and composure are the everyday lessons I teach my clients.  Understanding these components allows players to become mindful and improve their performance.

To develop mindfulness in sport there are several mental skills that you can learn. Sports people playing in the zone are composed, in control, confident, and focused. Most have experienced “the zone”, if only for a short time. And everyone can learn to develop a mindset that helps them enter “the zone” more frequently by learning how to be confident, focused, and in control of game.

Mentally tough sports people are at an advantage in competition because they have…

• An awareness of the zone and the feelings associated with playing in the zone.
• High self-confidence or a strong belief in their skills or ability to play well.
• The ability to fully immersed in the task or totally concentrate in the present.
• A narrow focus of attention or the ability to focus on one specific thought without distraction.
• The ability to perform effortlessly or let it happen when it counts.
• Emotional control or the ability to remain calm under pressure.
• Clear and decisive mind or not over thinking and doubting their decisions.
• The ability to refocus or collect themselves after mistake.
• Fun, whether they are 10th or 1st.

A strong mental game is crucial for all. To develop a strong mental game it takes commitment, learning how your brain works and what drives you.  Through mindfulness you can then learn to be in the moment, without distractions.  Be in “the zone” and be your best. The key is to find access to your mental game, then apply it, practice it and use it on a daily basis.

I have just read a passage from a book which describes a great way to “be” and one I aspire too. “be in flow and live fully in the present moment. Respond and adapt to what is happening around you rather than reacting and fighting against it. Let situations speak to you, observe and learn.  Always be upbeat, kind and generous. Yet hold others accountable without making them wrong.”